Tonight is officially my last night at home. As i sit in this empty room i can’t hep but think of all the things i should have done.
I should have been home more,
I should have appreciated my beautiful bedroom,
I most importantly i should have spent more time with my family.
Then maybe, just maybe… i would still have one =(
Its true what they say… You never really appreciate what you have till its gone. But i guess theres no turning back now, I just need to pray for the best. So tomorrow with the last box in hand, as i shut the door i close a chapter in my life, my comfort blanket. and move on to the seemingly unknown.
Remembering that although my story is changing, the people don’t have to. Just because I’m closing this chapter. Doesn’t mean i need to close off the memories and forget the ones that truly made a difference.
Its just one of those night. My music is blasting, my mind is full of a million thoughts and i don’t know weather to laugh or cry.
So much has changed in my life but all i can think is that everything happens for a reason. People come and they go, we get screwed by the ones we love the most, we make decisions we can never take back but somehow everything turns out right. So here i am, hoping for a change.
I’m the girl that was to scared to move forward because she was stuck in her past. The girl that was so terrified of failure that she made excuse after excuse to stay still… But that has to change!
Ive given up to much, I’ve sacrificed things i can never get back. And therefore i can’t be scared anymore. I realize now that everyday is a blessing and it should be spent without regret… Ive learnt that life is going to screw you weather you want it or not. Its gonna throw 99 curveballs just so you can learn one message.
I need to stop feeling like the victim cause I’m just one person in this fucked up world. yea, my problems suck but in the grand scheme of things i have it pretty good.
Ill be the first to admit that I’m broken but through all the crap. I know theirs strength somewhere inside of me and even though i can’t feel it now, its there just waiting for me to find myself again. Im so sure of the things i want and who i want to be.. I just lack in execution. So I need to forgive the ones that hurt me, i need accept that like me, everyone makes mistakes. Then maybe ill be at peace.
I wish we could rewind back before the cheating, the pain, and the tears… But we can’t so where do we go from here…
I feel like we’re fighting so hard for something that just doesn’t want to work.
So what do I do?
At what point do i tell myself. If I love him ill let him go be happy with someone that won’t constantly fight with him. Maybe I’m being selfish, maybe I don’t want anyone else to know how great he is. Maybe I just don’t want to share him anymore.
Does that make me selfish?